Posts tagged lol

Recently, my niece seemed to have something on her mind, and dictated the following essay for me to transcribe. She makes a fair point.

I want my Mommy and Daddy

An essay by Reese Kehrli, Age 2

Throughout time, man has begotten man and from the savage battles of natural selection, created a race of people designed to survive as a unit.  It so happened one day two years ago, that one Mommy and one Daddy, created me, Reese.  I have become quite fond of said Mommy and Daddy and while you, Aunt Jessie, are a perfectly pleasant playmate for a few hours every week or so, I would like to argue for an immediate reunion with my parents.  In this essay, I shall discuss the merits of both Mommy and Daddy, which will ultimately prove that I not only want my Mommy, but also my Daddy.

I am a woman with needs, and one of those needs is snacks.  Occasionally I enjoy a string cheese or two, but cookies are my preferred poison, as it were.  Daddy provides copious amounts of snacks that are not only nutritious but also delicious and consistently involve cookies.  Daddy is also quite adept at understanding that when I am screaming for my “baby” I mean the dirty blanket that I drag around the floor all day so that it is nearby when I choose to suck on the filthiest edge for comfort. He is particularly marvelous at handing me things that distract me from why I was crying about OH MY GOD WHERE IS MY BABY?!  Found it!   Daddy and I are a unit, this cannot be denied.

Mommy, on the other hand, is quite another story.  While Daddy adeptly interprets my varying degrees of temper tantrums, it is Mommy who knows that they are coming on before I do!  With a shocking 98% accuracy, Mommy can predict when I’m about to have a meltdown about MY SOCK IS NOT ON RIGHT I KNOW IT’S ON BUT IT’S TWISTED AROUND AND THE HEEL PART IS TOUCHING THE FRONT PART AND IT DOESN’T FEEL RIGHT AND IT IS THE WORST PAIN I CANNOT WALK AND NOBODY UNDERSTANDS HOW TERRIBLE THIS IS AND I’M DYING AND OH MY GOOOOODDDDDDD  oh ok, she fixed it, it feels better.  Mommy is also a natural born healer of boo-boos, and only buys the kind of medicine that tastes good and mixes it in juice so I don’t know it’s in there even though I saw her put it in.  Mommy also tends to have snacks on her person, if not in the near vicinity. 

In conclusion, Aunt Jessie, it is not distaste for you but rather a longing for my parents that is troubling me. You are very good at finding me during Hide and Seek and I appreciate that you will read the same cardboard book to me three times before bed because I like the pictures.  As much as I temporarily love you, I just remembered that Mommy and Daddy are somewhere else and I want them. Preferably now.  Can we go see them now?  I want my Mommy and Daddy. Why are you crying?

THE END.